Your manager just sent you an email. It’s three sentences. Direct. Clear. No fluff. They probably didn’t even open with “I hope you had a lovely weekend!”
Now look at the email you just drafted. You’ve apologised twice, used “just” three times, turned a statement into a question, and added “I think” before your perfectly valid opinion.
Research shows that women often use more supportive and appreciative language in workplace emails, frequently including expressions of thanks and personal acknowledgement. Whilst politeness matters, there’s a line between professional courtesy and undermining your own authority.
The way you write emails (and communicate overall) shapes how colleagues perceive your competence, confidence, and leadership potential. If you’re wondering why you’re not getting noticed despite doing excellent work, your inbox might hold some answers.
Contents
Five Email Patterns That Are Holding You Back
What Actually Gets Respect
The Email Audit
When “Soft” Language Actually Works
Final Thoughts
Five Email Patterns That Are Holding You Back
1. The Apology Epidemic
Apologising in emails can signal a lack of confidence, with women saying “sorry” more often than necessary. “Sorry for the delay” when you responded in 24 hours. “Sorry to bother you” when you are asking a legitimate work question. “Sorry if this doesn’t make sense” before sharing a perfectly clear idea.
What to do instead: Replace unnecessary apologies with appreciation. “Thank you for your patience” instead of “Sorry for the delay.” “Thanks for clarifying” instead of “Sorry, I should have understood that.” When you actually make a mistake that warrants an apology, apologise once, clearly, and move on.
2. “Just” Making Everything Smaller
“I just wanted to check in” or “I’m not sure, but…” are weak phrases that can lessen the impact and authority of your emails. Every time you write “just,” you’re making your request smaller, your opinion less important, your presence more apologetic.
“I just wanted to follow up” versus “I’m following up.” “Just checking in” versus “Checking in on the budget proposal.”
See the difference? One sounds tentative and the other sounds professional.
What to do instead: Do a find-and-replace before hitting send. Search for “just” and delete it. Your emails will instantly sound more confident.
3. Questions That Aren’t Really Questions
The use of question marks throughout your emails can make the statements feel like you are seeking validation rather than confidently stating your point of view. “Could we perhaps move the deadline to Friday?” when you need it moved. “Would it be possible to discuss this?” when you need a meeting.
Politeness matters, but questions soften your authority when you’re actually making a request or stating a need.
What to do instead: Turn questions into clear statements when appropriate. “I’ll need until Friday to complete this properly” instead of “Could I possibly have until Friday?” “Let’s schedule 30 minutes this week to discuss the Q4 strategy” instead of “Would you maybe have time to chat about Q4?”
4. Lessening Your Expertise
“I think,” “I feel like,” “maybe,” “possibly” these qualifiers chip away at your credibility and make you look unsure. This is common language and if you are using it, you are not alone – this phrasing is likely because you’re being careful not to sound too confident, too assertive or too much.
But by doing this you are hedging your expertise and weakening the clarity and authority of your message, making you sound uncertain even when you’re not
What to do instead: State your expertise directly. “Based on the data, we should prioritise project A” instead of “I think maybe we should possibly prioritise project A?”
5. Over-Explaining Everything
Over-explaining or including unnecessary details in emails has two negative effects 1) it can make you appear uncertain and 2) you can lose the reader in all your lengthy explanation. You don’t need to justify why you’re sending an email, explain your thought process in three paragraphs, or provide the entire backstory before making your point.
What to do instead: Lead with your main point. If someone needs context, they’ll ask. Get comfortable with being direct. “I recommend we postpone the launch until we resolve the technical issues” is stronger than three paragraphs explaining every reason you think maybe it might be better to possibly consider a delay.
What Actually Gets Respect
Here’s what people notice and respect in workplace emails:
Clarity over politeness. Your opening sets the tone, so be clear and purposeful from the start. You’re not being rude by getting to the point quickly, you are actually respecting everyone’s time and helping the recipient understand your point.
Specific requests. Use verbs or phrases in your subject lines that indicate what action you want the recipient to take, such as “Decision,” “Action Required,” or “Feedback”. Tell people exactly what you need and when you need it so they can manage their own time, calendar, and workload accordingly.
Confidence in your expertise. You have knowledge and skills so stop packaging your insights in layers of self-doubt.
Boundaries around your time. You don’t need to respond at 11 p.m. to prove your commitment. Setting realistic expectations about when you’ll respond will support your own work life wellbeing and help your colleagues understand that you are not available 24/7.
The Email Audit
Before you send your next important email, check for these patterns:
- How many times did you apologise? (One is usually too many unless you actually made a mistake.)
- Did you use “just,” “I think,” or “maybe”?
- Are you turning statements into questions?
- Is your main point buried in paragraph three?
- Would your manager send this email exactly as written?
This is where AI tools like ChatGPT and Claude become really useful. Rather than starting from scratch with AI-generated templates that sound robotic, use it to audit your already-written emails. Copy your draft into the tool and let it catch the patterns you’re trying to break.
Try this prompt:
Please review this email and help me communicate more confidently by:
- Removing unnecessary apologies (keep only genuine apologies for actual mistakes)
- Deleting filler words like “just,” “I think,” “maybe,” and “possibly”
- Converting questions into clear statements where appropriate
- Flagging any hedging language that undermines my authority
- Ensuring my main point comes early in the email
Keep my natural tone and writing style. Don’t make the email overly formal or change my voice, just help me sound more direct and confident whilst maintaining professionalism.
Here’s my email: {Copy / Paste your email into the prompt}
When “Soft” Language Actually Works
There are times when warmth and courtesy matter. Asking a colleague for a favour, declining additional work, or delivering difficult feedback all benefit from thoughtful phrasing.
The difference? These situations genuinely require careful communication because you are managing your relationships and also ensuring the right outcome.
But checking in on a project deadline? Requesting information you need to do your job? Sharing your expert opinion? These are all times when you can confidently communicate without the filler words and phrases.
Final Thoughts
Communication skills (both written and verbal) are essential in your career and they directly impact how supervisors perceive you and whether you’re considered for leadership roles. Every email you send either reinforces or undermines how seriously people take you.
Want more resources on workplace communication? Peer Suite members get access to professional email templates, negotiation scripts, and communication strategies designed specifically for women navigating their careers.
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